Sometimes you just have to throw a party . . .

even if it is a pity party. I had such a party last week. I have everything in perspective now. I thought back to three years ago when I was working 2 jobs and could only dream of going to school. This year, I went to school full-time and worked part-time. This summer, I am fortunate enough to take a course I need to graduate in December. Needless to say, that crashed the party. That party needed to be crashed. I'm happy to report I had an awesome weekend. Saturday was our annual family fishing trip in Solomons Island. I just finished posting the photos on flickr. It was a lot of fun. My first catch! As usual, I got bored after catching three fish and busied myself throwing back small fish, taking pictures, and eating all the yummy food my Mom brings along. Yoni joined us for the third year - this time as my ex. I was anxious about seeing him (it's been four months) but once we were there, I was totally comfortable - I could tell that he wasn't though. During the course of the trip we planned to go kayaking the next day. I haven't been out on the water since the season opened. My paddling partner and I cannot seem to match our schedules and when we do, one of us is too exhausted to go. So, I was really excited to have an opportunity to go paddling and to spend a day with Yoni. I was in for a shock on the ride home. We were together for nearly five years. Before meeting him, I got bored in a matter of weeks, sometimes months (rarely). I felt like we should have been in the Guinness World Book of Records or something. And then, for many reasons, I ended the relationship in December. We tried to be friends immediately after the break-up - BAD IDEA. To my surprise he wanted to go on our annual family fishing trip this year. The real surprise was the ride home. He talked the entire way: he loves me, he misses me, he thinks about me everyday, he's changed, he realizes what I was trying to tell him, he'll never find anyone like me and on and on. I just let him talk. This was a complete 360. I had to pull teeth to get him to share his feelings when we were together and here he is talking for an hour straight! I wonder if my jaw was hanging open . . . I didn't say much at all. I told him I still care about him and that I miss him too and that was it. After all the energy I spent getting over our break-up, that's all I had to give. I am enjoying being single right now. I have plans to live downtown, BY MYSELF, after graduation. No roommates - just me and my dog. I am going to work in inner city schools for the next couple of years. I have met people in the last few months that I never would have a year ago. I don't want to be comfortable anymore. I like stepping outside of my comfort zone and figuring out what I am capable of. It is too late for us - right now anyway. But I didn't say any of that - I just let him talk and I listened. Kayaking was fun. It was a beautiful day - I wish I'd had my waterproof camera along. We had breakfast with his family. It was so nice to see them! They all said how much they have missed me. His mom calls me quite often and his sister IMs me. You really become part of the family when you are with someone for that long and I do miss them a lot. It was hard to be around them when I was so heartbroken - now I moved an hour away and I hardly have any free time - I don't think they understand why I don't come over more often. It was really good to see them. After kayaking, Yoni and I descended on the Indian food buffet. Yum. After putting the kayaks away, we went shopping and to the movies. It all felt too comfortable. I don't want to be comfortable - when you get too comfortable you cease to grow and change. I have a lot of growing and changing to do. I see a friendship with him as a threat to that. Now he's calling me everyday and telling me how much he loves me. I love him too, but these days, I love myself more. I am taking care of me and my needs. I'm not sure I can balance both right now. What am I to do? Smiley for the Day: