Crashing

I had a nice weekend, but you can't tell - - I'm crashing. I'm feeling everything so deeply right now that I am beginning to just shut down. I should be studying for the 4 exams I have this week. I can't concentrate. My mind is racing and my emotions are shutting down. So here I am -- writing. I'm hoping some form of expression will make this night easier . . . I have so many unanswered questions: How does love become hate? Something so beautiful tainted? I never thought in your arms I would find myself and in your voice lose it all over again. . . How do you survive the crushing of your hopes and dreams? Do you mourn their death or should you begin to search for a more attainable standard? Not worthy of what had been aspired for, is there something lesser awaiting you? There are questions for which I have no answers. There are reasons for which I have no justification. And there are “men” which have no heart. . . . . . and therefore, there are people who have no dreams, no hope, no love, no shelter, no ambition, no reality - no one to hold them when their body shakes with such uncontrollable violence that the thoughts within their head begin to fall out their mouth - no one to collect those words and return them to their hiding place before someone else sees them - for there are thoughts and emotions in those words: heartache and pain - what if the world hears those words and therefore realizes that this smile is only a mask for a sadness that even these words spilled in agony can not express? My smile has hidden so much pain, I dare not frown. Lurking in the shadows of his mind the pain has driven him mad. Who is to say that I shall not end up like him: haunted by a past I could not outrun, surrendered to its bite? for it is much easier in this place - here you can pretend that you are perfect and everyone will agree, for here -- they are perfect also. These twisted tales of twisted minds leading twisted lives - never real, only living for shadows, for hints, for emptiness - listening to whispers but never quite hearing a clear voice. Have you ever needed so much to cry but never felt the pleasure-pain of a single tear? Choking on the sound of your own foul breath. . . For hours I have wrestled with these feelings of -– confusion. Expression can be painful or it can be a sigh of relief. Some words are better left unsaid - emotions unexpressed - secrets unrevealed. Sometimes, you just can't find them. Smiley for the Day: