I just need to type it.

Ok, so I think I have totally processed my relationship with you-know-who. I just need to type it. I do a lot of thinking while in the car, and I've spent a lot of time driving this past week. I got all my things back (except my motorcycle helmet- which I WILL be getting). I've given back ALL his things and put away EVERYTHING that reminds me of him. I've gone through all the rollercoasters: sadness, doubt, anger, loss. Now that the rollercoasters are over, I feel relieved and hopeful. I'm relieved that he no longer has control over me. Before, anything he said or did had the potential to send me on one of those rollercoaster rides. But now, nothing he does or says has any effect on me. Sure, when he acts like a child, it irritates me. But it no longer makes me question what is wrong with me or what I might have done to cause his behavior. He's clearly messed up and needs to start facing his own issues. I am just so RELIEVED that it isn't my problem anymore! You have no idea how huge that is. HUGE! Hopeful? Yes, I'm hopeful. Now I can start working on all the issues I was trying to deal with when he walked into my life. He had to fight like hell to win me over. I knew it wasn't a good time for me to get into a relationship but I let it happen anyway. Once he got me, he started changing everything about me and I spent the next five years trying to be who he wanted me to be. With no concern for who I wanted me to be. He had a way of making me feel like shit everytime I didn't meet his expectations. I should have been screaming: "THIS IS WHO I AM ASSHOLE, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT!!!" It will be some time before I get into another relationship. I will have ME all figured out and that someone will have to accept me for who I am. I know that relationships should cause you to grow and change. But they shouldn't be constantly tearing you down and changing the big parts of who you are. I can't even imagine how amazing it feels to be with someone who knows, loves and accepts you the way you are. That's exciting. Okay, I'm done. No more, promise. Smiley for the Day: