Friday, April 21, 2006

Belated Thursday

Okay, so this week's thirteen is a day late. Better late than never, right? I've been advised to make a list of the non-negotiable qualities for my next partner. That way, even when I'm not looking, I'll know what my standards are if someone should come along. When this was first suggested to me, I thought it silly. But now that I look back over my dating history, a list like this could have really been useful. Especially when people seem to come into my life unexpectedly, I am always caught off guard. I'm also really bad at listening to my inner voice and instead my drive to "make things work" or "give them a chance" or "just see what happens" takes over. So, since I always seem to ignore my SCREAMING inner voice, I think having my non-negotiables in writing is quite necessary. Perhaps if we all had this in writing, we'd stop kissing so many frogs... What would your list look like? Post it in the comments or on your blog. Does your current partner have all of your non-negotiable qualities? Can you recall a past relationship where your partner was missing a non-negotiable? Do you think having a list like this is useful? Do you think sticking to it would have saved you from past grief? How about you, any plans to use such a list as you make these decisions in your future? I seriously plan on sticking to this. From experience, I know these are qualities I need in a partner. I don't want to waste any more time with the wrong person.


Thirteen Things about Brea's Next Partner

1. MUST be self-confident. Jealousy and insecurity will not be tolerated.

2. MUST be affectionate. Hugs, kisses, soft touches...I need all of it.

3. MUST be a great communicator which includes the ability to express feelings.

4. MUST value my feelings and opinions, even if they do not agree. Respect is the key word here.

5. MUST be a good listener. The more I talk, the more comfortable I am with the person. If I am opening up to someone, I want to feel like I am heard.

6. MUST be physically fit. Physical attraction plays a big role between two people. A fit body is a requirement to get my chemistry flowing.

7. MUST be adventurous. Food, music, art, travel, activities, ect. I want someone who is willing to try anything at least once.

8. MUST have a good relationship with their family (unless they are crazy).

9. MUST love the outdoors. Duh!

10. MUST make me smile. Laughter is important too. But mostly, I want someone who makes me light up whether I am talking to them or about them.

11. MUST have a healthy sex-drive.

12. MUST master the art of "just because".

13. MUST know how to let things "go with the flow" without rushing or running from commitment, labels, ect. If they or I want a commitment, make it known. I'm not into playing games. If I come to a point where I want them to be my boyfriend, I will say so. I'd expect the same from them. Until then, let's just enjoy getting to know one another.



Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. Josie

2. Torrance

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things.


Heads Turned for: "Belated Thursday"

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (1:40 PM) : 

Probably not everything is perfect at my boyfriend what is okay because I also got my small mistakes which can drive him mad. With some things you just have to take it easy and live with it...and after all I know what i got :)

 

Blogger Unknown said ... (2:03 PM) : 

I wish my boyfriend would make me laugh more. I love a man with a great sense of humor!

 

Blogger Sangindiva said ... (3:03 PM) : 

This is a pretty cool list...
I already did 10... :)
P.s I really like your blog. the other day I
went through all of your flicker photos!

love the camping/hiking trip and your dog!!!

 

Blogger Waddie G. said ... (3:10 PM) : 

Explain:

12. MUST master the art of "just because".

why I don't get it?

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (5:41 AM) : 

REMEMBER! careful what you wish for.....and be very specific.

 

Blogger Brea said ... (11:10 AM) : 

Kat:
No one is perfect. I'm not looking for perfection, whatsoever. How boring! However, my ex was missing 4 of my non-negotiables. I think that may be too many really important qualities.

Cinthia:
Ah yes, laughter is so VERY important.

Sangindiva:
Awesome. Thanks for stopping by.

ProfessorGQ:
You know, do the little nice things. Like a phone call, a note, flowers, random hug, verbal compliment...the list goes on. Just the little things that make me feel special.

Tu s. Tin:
I know it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. So I am going to be very selective and patient.

 

Blogger Toby said ... (1:02 PM) : 

Sure, without reading the entire post, but looking at your photos, you deserve a guy like me.

 

Blogger Rose said ... (4:57 PM) : 

That's a great list you have. I wish for more communication when I want it. My husband loves to talk when he needs to.

 

Blogger brooklyn babe said ... (5:05 PM) : 

Looks like I tuned in on the right note.
These are all a MUST

 

Blogger Theresa said ... (10:02 PM) : 

I love that you did this list. It's a great idea and I think you did a fantastic job with it. One of the things I liked about it is that I think my own list would be different. That makes it all the more telling doesn't it? We all have different priorities about what is absolutely essential.

 

Blogger Friar Tuck said ... (11:26 PM) : 

my list--here instead of on my blog

it less a must have and actually something from my prayer journal

1. has to have an ornery streak

2. not a cheater

3. loyal

4. makes me a better me by being around them and wanting to please them.

5. pretty face--I dont care about the body thing nearly as much as a pretty face.

6. Has to love the fact that I am in ministry, and at the same time be totally accepting of the fact that I often feel like quitting

7. strong relationship with the Lord

8. R-E-S-P-E-C-T

9. must be affectionate.

10. must want children

11. in less debt than I am

12. must think I am a wonderful and amazing person

13. last but not least--MUST BE SMART.

of course this list may be asking to much.

 

Blogger kathi said ... (7:08 AM) : 

This is a great list, and completely realistic. Might want to add *must be goal oriented enough to have a job.

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:48 AM) : 

You made a good point with the art of "just because". I think my boyfriend understands this slightly more than I do, which is funny.

Beautiful list, and you really hit the nail on the head with all of 'em.

 

Blogger courtney said ... (12:49 PM) : 

That's a good list. *filing it back*

 

Blogger Brotha Buck said ... (10:55 PM) : 

The thing about non-negotiable qualities is that they waft over time. Even among the most grounded.I've found.

 

Blogger Hasan Mubarak said ... (3:13 AM) : 

Wow, you need the most perfect man!

Hope you find him soon; best au luck!

 

Blogger Scott said ... (10:30 AM) : 

Pretty good little list you have there. Best of luck.

Scott

 

Blogger Rell said ... (11:07 AM) : 

I been all about #9, playing ball a whole bunch and what not.

 

Blogger Mocha said ... (12:06 PM) : 

Love: Master the art of "just because". I swear if I met someone with that skill I'd be married with twins by now.

Hmmm

Maybe I'd just have a really good man and a dog :D

 

Blogger princessdominique said ... (9:59 PM) : 

Great list and I think everybody should have one otherwise you're winging it with everybody you meet.

 

Blogger Brea said ... (12:38 PM) : 

Toby:
Too funny!

Rose:
That sounds so very familiar to me.

Theresa:
That's what makes us all unique - we all have different needs.

Friar Tuck:
Asking any less would be settling.

Kathi:
Good one, that is definitely another for the list.

Lenren:
Thanks for stopping by!

Brotha Buck:
Interesting.

Hasan Mubarak:
Not perfect!!! Just high quality ;)

Mocha Girl:
Yeah, I think you got a little carried away with the twins thing! Lol!

Princess Dominique:
You are absolutely right, I'm glad it was suggested to me.

 

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