Another day, another disappointment

So I paid my school bill yesterday. Worked my ass off all summer at a job I hated. Worked my ass off at my new job since fall. It wasn't enough. So the family support my father begged me to move back home for is non-existent and my brother goes back to college this weekend. So I spent $1,000 on my car last month. The check engine light came back on yesterday. Fuck. So I have 12 saved voicemails. I don't have the time or energy to return any of the calls. So we talked last week. He admitted he was dishonest - understatement of the century. I told him the hurt it caused. I haven't heard from him since. I moved for you. I put my education on hold for you. I loved you without reservation. I'm paying for it now. Don't give me the line you have been busy when you finally decide to call - when you think I have forgotten our conversations, my tears, my pain... I'm done. So I've become listless. wish i may (listen to track here) i am losing my love of adventure i'm losing all respect for me and myself tonight i wonder what happens if i get to the end of this tunnel and there isn't a light i've worn down the treads on all of my tires i've worn through the elbows and the knees of my clothing i am stumbling down the gravel driveway of desire trying not to wake up my sleeping self-loathing do you ever have that dream where you open your mouth and you try to scream but you can't make a sound that's every day starting now that's every day starting now don't tell me it's gonna be alright you can't sell me on your optimism tonight don't tell me it's gonna be alright you can't sell me on your optimism tonight it's a stiff competition to see who can stay up later the stars or the street lights all they really want is to be alone with the darkness no more wish i may no more wish i might it takes a stiff upper lip just to hold up my face i got to suck it up and savor the taste of my own behavior i am spinning with longing faster then a roulette wheel this is not who i meant to be this is not how i meant to feel i don't think i am strong enough to do this much longer god, i wish i was stronger this song could never be long enough to express every longing god, i wish it was longer... -Ani DiFranco Today on 100 Things: Down in the Dumps