Just DON'T do it!

Now I am going to try to gather my thoughts enough to answer my own question: what is the most important attribute you look for in a good relationship? I'm not sure there is a word for it in the english language, and if there is I am too lazy to try to think of it. The closest I could come is somewhere between comfort and security. "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." - Billy, age 4 In a relationship, I want to be able to share any and every thing and know that the other person feels safe enough to do the same with me. When they need someone, I want to be there and know they will do the same. That is the short answer. Now this is where I step up on my soap box. I have a lot of beef with a lot of relationships I've had. I'm happy to say I've spent the last year weeding out the bad ones - but the hurt and irritation is still there and I feel like venting. Consider yourself warned. DON'T judge me. I have a lot of dark spots in my past and "fuck up" is my middle name - so I feel like I should be able to share all of it and not be judged. Nothing is worse than getting "that look". And if you don't know what look I'm talking about you are either really good, have had nothing but awesome relationships, or you are the one giving it. I am an adult - I waited 18 long years to make adult decisions - don't give me that fucking look. I hate it. DON'T lecture me. There is a HUGE difference between voicing your opinion and lecturing. Professors lecture - parents lecture - clergy lecture -friends share opinions. I don't need someone to agree with every decision I make (how scary would that be?!). I like to hear other's opinions - they may bring up a point I missed or shed new light on a situation - I value that. Please, offer your opinion, but don't lecture me. I like conversations NOT lectures. DON'T disappear when you enter a new relationship and then reappear when it breaks up. I can't even begin to count how many of these friendships I've been in. I can handle once maybe even twice - but three, four times?! He/she was more important then so why are you calling me now? DON'T tell me you don't have time. I was working two jobs, going to school, taking care of a 93lb dog and planning a wedding at one point in my life - I still made time for all my friends. There are 720 hours in the average month - you can't spare any? I'm not going to be the one constantly calling to talk or offering an invitation somewhere. I'll do it for a time but I stopped playing chase in elementary school. If you aren't going to make the effort, guess what, neither am I. Don't give me excuses - I had a dead beat father, remember? I hate excuses. DON'T expect a surface relationship because Brea don't play that. I have a strong personality and I like to have fun - people are drawn to that. But there is more to me than that crazy party girl you see at the bar or that kayaker you see on the water. If you want a relationship - take the time to get to know the other pieces of me. My other pieces may not be a heart stopping thrill ride, but they are worth getting to know. I'm a whole person, not just a piece of one. DON'T disappear when I need you. I will call to check in on you. I want to know what is going on in your life. I want to share in your hopes, dreams, triumphs and failures. I want to be there for you when you need me. I answered every time you called me crying - every time. Can I get the same in return? Why am I supposed to be the strong one without any problems all the time? DON'T let your baggage clutter our relationship. I understand you have been hurt in the past, I have too, explain to me again why I am getting blamed for your past? Honestly, if you are that hurt by your past relationships that you are letting it ruin your current ones, maybe you need some time alone or some counseling. I can respect that and I will be here for you if you need help working through it. But sorry, I will not be your scapegoat. DON'T expect perfection. I am only human - I am going to make mistakes. I am never too proud to admit when I am wrong. And when you do something to hurt me, I may not let you know right away, but trust me I will let you know. Let's talk about it and move on. DON'T disrespect me. Yes, I'm laid back and a lot of fun, but I am also deserving of the same respect you show your mother. That also means don't talk about me behind my back. Anything you have to say to me can be said to my face. I don't bite....hard. I will always treat you with respect - I expect the same. Okay, I'm stepping down from the soap box. That is about all I can write this time of night. I'm thinking about all the crap I need to get done tomorrow so I better get to bed soon. After reading this post, you may think I sound like a complete bitch - I am - only becuase I'm sick of being everyone's doormat. Seems like you have to be a bitch to get what you want. Brea the bitch - has a nice ring to it :) Hope everyone has a fun weekend planned. If not - GET TO IT!!!.