WTF!!!!

What started out as a minor cough Monday night, has turned into a full blown head cold. WTF!!! I NEVER get sick and here it is the hottest week of the summer and I'm sneezing?! At least the coughing has subsided; I only cough when someone makes me laugh now. I sound like a duck - a sick duck with a sinus headache. I am so miserable. Feel sorry for me. ;( (I tend to be a big baby when I'm sick but shhhhh don't tell anyone) Smiley for the Day:

My life

I considered titling this entry with a vulgar word - I chickened out. I tried to post on Friday - you see how well that went. I was trying to write about the happenings of the week and tell the tales behind the 2 photos I posted. I guess those tales will never be told because I don’t feel like typing it over again. “F” is for friends. I haven’t heard from a friend in over a week. That in its self is nothing new - I am so used to my friends falling off the face of the Earth once they are dating someone, only to magically reappear after a break-up. This time it is different. A friend of mine decided to leave her husband and move to Florida to start a new life. She landed a great job, got herself a nice apartment, ect. I was so proud of her for finally leaving what was an incredibly unhealthy relationship. To send her off, I planned a dinner/dance party of several of her close friends. It never happened. The day of, her husband went psycho on her. No one has heard from her since. In fact, I was the last one to talk to her. She called me crying and I begged her not to stay the night in their apartment and to call me later to let me know she was safe. She never called. She has no phone, no cell, and isn't responding to e-mail. I'm sure she's fine, just busy, right? This weekend was another friend’s birthday: Good times :) “U” is for upside down. Not the fun upside down like on a roller coaster, I’m talking about a whole different upside down. You know when you have had too much to drink, you lay down, close your eyes, and the room starts spinning? Okay. Now imagine lying on your back with your head hanging off the bed and opening your eyes. Not a good picture is it? That is the upside down I’m talking about. It is really late and I am tired, so I’m not going to get in to it right now - but that is the way my life feels. “C” is for concerts. Friday night was the concert of my favorite music artist: Ani DiFranco. I went with Debbie and Stephanie: It sucked. I was so disappointed. I can think of a million other ways I would have liked to have spent that money and time. A day of my life I will NEVER get back. Let me explain: 1. The concert was way too mellow. Granted the tone of Ani’s new CD is very mellow, I thought for sure she would spice it up a bit. I’d never seen her live in concert before but had seen a video, she was awesome. I was better off with the video. 90% of the concert was spent sitting in my seat watching her play. For a much cheaper ticket and a lot less effort, I could have gone to see the symphony or something. I’m going to stick to buying her CDs – I could have bought three or more for what it cost me to attend that concert! I don't like Ani any less - I'll just enjoy her from the comfort of my own home from now on. 2. A pack of raging hormones sitting directly in front of us. “Are you kidding me?” “You have GOT to be kidding me!!!” I must have said those phrases a million times. There were five or six teenage boys at the concert sitting in front of us. They attended the concert to try to pick up girls. They talked loudly through the entire concert, cheered like they were at an Eminem concert, hopped from seat to seat trying to talk to girls and the list of irritating behavior goes on. Clearly not very bright boys - the type of girl who listens to Ani is not the type of girl likely to fall for that shit! If I had strangled them, would anyone have blamed me? 3. After a shitty week on the homefront, I was looking forward to getting away and having a good time. Well dinner was spent recounting anything wrong my ex had ever done in front of my friend. Not sure what it was intended to accomplish but it left me feeling stupid for spending 5 years with him. Great way to start the evening. On the bright side, Sunday concerts were great. Yes, concerts. This weekend was Artscape and Ed (the guy I met at the bar weeks back) and I attended as many music performances as we could catch. The last performance was the best. It was an eclectic band with incredible energy. The group was called Ozomatli. The energy transferred to the crowd. The best part WAS the crowd. It was the type of people that don’t care what others think and aren't afraid to be different. I felt so comfortable. After living back in Bel Air for so many months, I almost forgot what it was like to be away from the “cookie cutter”. Let me tell you, I felt right at home and danced my little butt off the entire performance– it was great. To conclude the concert, the band joined the crowd playing their instruments without mics or other equipment. Talk about energy!! Ed treated me to breakfast at a local diner afterwards. Anyone that knows me, knows how crazy I am about breakfast food. Can we say heaven? I think we can. It was such a great way to conclude the weekend. “K” is for kiss. I’ve been kissing someone new for a month now. Now that I am dating someone new, I see all the dysfunction of my last relationship. But even more so, I see all the things that were really good. I never questioned my ex’s intentions or feelings for me. He said he loved me the first day he laid eyes on me. I know he did. I know he still does. He would never betray my trust. The fact is, we loved one another but we were just not right for one another. We were two great individuals that made a terrible couple. It is hard kissing someone new without any security or direction. For the first time in over five years, I don’t know where he is or what he is doing - I hope he’s happy. Okay – it is WAY past my bedtime. Nite. Smiley for the Day:

Damn it!

I was trying to blog earlier and freaking blogger was acting up. Damn it, now I don't have time to write because I leave for the Ani DiFranco concert in half an hour. I have a lot to write too!!! Okay, I'm done bitching now. Have a fun safe weekend!!!

The Havana Club

Erin & I

Wet Willie's Annual Deck Party

Left to right: Heather, Me, Amy

"Where have you been? I haven't heard from you in forever!"

I HATE when people say that!!! Last time I checked, you had a phone (or two) and an e-mail account. I don't do one-way relationships anymore and you know that! I spent the first quarter of my life carrying the burden of so many relationships - all that ever got me was hurt and frustration - those days are over!!! Needless to say, I got one of those phone calls tonight. Grrrr . . . I have been neglecting my "online life", but life offline is great. This past weekend I went with friends to see a band play at a local bar. I love dancing and I love drinking - combine the two and I am a happy camper: "The Terrible Three" - we closed the place down! :) Sunday I spent the day with my brother and two former co-workers: After this pic was taken, I did my share to make sure that there weren't any leftovers from our purchase of Maryland crabs - the corn was good too ;) Remember the guy I met at the bar a couple of weeks back? Well, we finally stopped playing phone tag and met for coffee. Things are progressing well. Now, I would not ordinarily recommend giving out your number at a bar. Maybe it is just me, but I have learned that after having a few drinks, making any decision that I will have to deal with the next day is a BAD idea. For example, giving out my number. But in this case, the guy was the happy hour musician packing up his equipment when I caught his eye. I got a line - but it was sincere and the conversation was great. So in this case, it worked out. Do as I say, not as I do: do not give out your number at a bar! I've been of legal drinking age for nearly four years - it has never happened before and I don't expect it'll happen again. Okay, I had to throw in that disclaimer - I don't want anyone sending me mean e-mail when the person they meet for coffee turns out to be a bad decision. Last night was dinner and a movie done just the way I like it: cookbook, supermarket, and a DVD. That's right - we picked out a recipe, went grocery shopping, cooked, and then watched a movie together. Grilled teriyaki salmon with pineapple salsa, sautéed asparagus, Maryland corn, and a dry red wine. Yum! I have a few reservations - he is the first guy I've let get close since my ex - but we've spent quite a bit of time together and I am enjoying getting to know him. I'll keep you posted :) Where have I been?!! Everything I have mentioned is where I have been and that was just in the last four days! There is also work, school . . . Lunch dates with Debbie Spending quality time with my brother before he leaves for college Downtown with Stephanie Special Olympics with Jim Enjoying the sun and fresh air with Trek I even traveled to Alabama to spend time with Jana, Jerin, and Chiquita You call me and the first thing out of your mouth is where have you been?! That says a lot about you and nothing about me. I am not going to be the one constantly calling or writing. If you want to be part of my life, fine, meet me half way. If not, that is fine too. Just don't call me and ask me where I have been and tell me you haven't heard from me in months. I'd rather you just not call. Smiley for the Day:

Back to the drawing board

Okay – so I didn’t get the job ;( I heard from an inside source that the person they hired has a masters in international education. I think that she is overqualified for the position and will get restless – but maybe not. She definitely blew my application out of the water! Okay – so now I need to find a new path to reaching this goal. Hmmmm . . . . See more progress on: Live downtown

Who am I?

I must warn anyone reading this: I am a mess and as such, so is this blog entry. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Where am I going? How am I getting there? And most importantly - where am I now? This time last year, I was someone's fiancé. I was planning a wedding. I was in love. This time last year, I was living and working in the "real world". This time last year, I knew who to trust. I had friends who I knew would never do anything to hurt me - who would never overstep any boundaries - who truly cared about me - who would always be there for me. This time last year, I knew exactly who I was and where I was going. I have so many thoughts and emotions going through my head right now, I don't know where to start. My life has been turned upside down, slapped, and then shaken. Oh yeah - and then stomped on. I don't feel sorry for myself or anything - I am just trying to figure things out. Who am I without a significant other, without a "real job", with few close friends? I forgot what it was like to just be me. I will write more on this when I find the words to express myself. That is enough rambling for now. My week in Alabama and Tennessee was great. I wish I had taken more photos, but I just wasn’t in the mood. Here’s one with me and my “little sisters”: I still have that same cheesy smile. . . I spent a lot of time talking to my friend (not pictured). Her life is a bit of a mess right now for many reasons – but one thing is absolutely in order: love. Love of her husband and family. It was so nice to be a part of a family for a week that was full of love. Although the pace of life down south is a bit slow for me, the sense of family is amazing. Even with my life heading down an uncertain path, there are two things I have always known: I will be a teacher and a mother. I don’t want a big house or fancy cars (from experience, those things are much nicer from the outside looking in). I simply want to make my mark on the world by fulfilling those two roles to the best of my ability. That’s it. In the meantime – I need to get right now figured out. Smiley for the Day:

Break

I'm taking a trip down south. I hope everyone has a great holiday. I'll be back next Wednesday. Be safe!! Smiley for the Day: